Catch-up post

It's raining in Indianapolis today, and most of my time has been spent in this coffee shop. We have our last two shows in the next two days, and then, early Monday morning, the group disperses and Diogo and I head to Minneapolis.

I'm thrilled to be coming home. This summer has only served to reinforce my view that Minneapolis is one of the best cities around. There is something *very* bittersweet, however, about the ending of this summer. This project and these people have been such a delight... there will definitely be some withdrawal symptoms this fall, I think, as it sinks in that this phase of this project is finished.

And then there's the fact that Diogo's visa expires a week from tomorrow. I've only recently realised how soon it is that he's leaving, and feel a little panicked about the fact. We've talked about the future a lot this summer, but I feel somehow that I'm no closer to a decision than I was before, and he's of the mind and heart that he's always (since Jan) been: he wants to get married. I have so many questions about that commitment still: what it means, if I want it, if I want it for the right reasons. Conversations with Janna and others have calmed me, made me feel grounded, but it's rarely a lasting sensation. Another reason spending time in Minneapolis with Diogo will be good: it will give me another mirror, another way to see us together, myself with him.

(Sidenote: the entire cast spent some time at at Erin's brother's in-laws lake house this week, and one night we all stayed up til 3am while Meredyth did hand readings for all of us. My two lesser life lessons, according to my fingerprints, palms, etc are "emotional authenticity" and "getting out of my head" - both personal challenges that I'm familiar with, and which come into sharp focus, I've found, in an intimate relationship. My over-riding lesson, also relevant and familiar, is that I am enough. Insert Mary Oliver poem here.)

Yes, it's been an interesting, intense summer. L.A. is not my city, I've discovered (or I knew all along), but I'm standing by my decision to move there for this company. There was a period of time (over these last couple of weeks, in fact) where it looked like I might move out as soon as mid-Sept: one of my temp jobs threw me in the path of a very wealthy independent entrepreneur who was looking for an assistant/office manager, and after meeting for coffee he assured me his attorney would be in touch to work out details of my employment. He didn't, however, so it looks like no 40K salary with benefits for me. Ah, well.

I have to admit that I was shocked, though, and how thrilled people seemed to be with me as a temp. I kept being re-requested, and on one gig I was asked for my resume on the second day... is it really that hard to find someone who will show up on time and answer phones semi-proficiently in Los Angeles?! Apparently so.... It gives me hope that I may be able to find steady work fairly quickly upon my return.

Another insane thing about L.A. is the celebrities and the level of wealth. Obvious, I know. But having met a couple of b/millionaires within a couple of weeks, and then having Famke Janssen wander into the firm I was temping with on my first day there, and sharing an elevator with Calista Flockhart at a Target, I was (and am) having difficulty reconciling the reality with the surreality of it all. As I asked my friend Lauren: "Do you ever get used to celebrities wandering around like so many exotic animals in an everyday zoo?" Her reply: "No."

And so it should come as no surprise to me, really, that I breathe easier in Seattle, in the Midwest. And after a summer of sleeping on borrowed beds and fold-out couches, it will feel particularly sweet to be home.