Monday, 7 May 2012
Recent revelations
I find I want to live in a place with an abundance of nature and trees.
I find I want to have children.
I find I want to let art flow through me.
I find I want to learn how to sew.
I find I want to live close to the earth, to grow things that are green and eat them, to make cherry preserves.
I find that maybe, not now but soon, it is time to move again.
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Prelude to Bite of the Night, by Howard Barker
They brought a woman from the street
And made her sit in the stalls
By threats
By bribes
By flattery
Obliging her to share a little of her life with actors
But I don't understand art
Sit still, they said
But I don't want to see sad things
Sit still, they said
And she listened to everything
Understanding some things
But not others
Laughing rarely, and always without knowing why
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again said
If that's art I think it is hard work
It was beyond me
So much of it beyond my actual life
But something troubled her
Something gnawed her peace
And she came a second time, armoured with friends
Sit still, she said
And again, she listened to everything
This time understanding different things
This time untroubled that some things
Could not be understood
Laughing rarely but now without shame
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again said
That is art, it is hard work
And one friend said, too hard for me
And the other said if you will
I will come again
Because I found it hard I felt honoured
And made her sit in the stalls
By threats
By bribes
By flattery
Obliging her to share a little of her life with actors
But I don't understand art
Sit still, they said
But I don't want to see sad things
Sit still, they said
And she listened to everything
Understanding some things
But not others
Laughing rarely, and always without knowing why
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again said
If that's art I think it is hard work
It was beyond me
So much of it beyond my actual life
But something troubled her
Something gnawed her peace
And she came a second time, armoured with friends
Sit still, she said
And again, she listened to everything
This time understanding different things
This time untroubled that some things
Could not be understood
Laughing rarely but now without shame
Sometimes suffering disgust
Sometimes thoroughly amazed
And in the light again said
That is art, it is hard work
And one friend said, too hard for me
And the other said if you will
I will come again
Because I found it hard I felt honoured
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Lost in the woods
It's been a long time since I've written, and a lot has happened.
Today, I'm drawn to write because I'm terrified. We're several weeks away from the opening of my second Fringe show, and all afternoon I've been feeling something akin to panic. Like I'm not prepared, like I don't know the way, like the golden thread is eluding me and I'm lost, lost, lost.
The irony is: we're taking Red Riding Hood as our point of departure, so the feeling of being "lost" is laughably appropriate. But standing in the thick of it with no path in sight, it feels like no laughing matter.
There's so much inspiration, is the thing, that the problem more than anything at this particular moment may be that I have too much information, and it's obscuring the story that needs to be told. I have this gnawing feeling that I'm overcomplicating matters by falling in love with so many stories, so many themes (Demeter/Persephone, La Loba, Skin walkers), and trying to shoe-horn them all into one. But I don't know what to strip away when they all seem to speak to me so strongly.
I know that I just have to suck it up and make a choice. I know that I need to swallow the paralyzing terror of being lost in the woods and just strike out into the wilderness, move forward, choose a path. I know that is the next step.
So... Take it. Take a breath. Take a step. Start to tell a story and see where it takes you. Right foot, left foot, breathe breathe breathe...
Today, I'm drawn to write because I'm terrified. We're several weeks away from the opening of my second Fringe show, and all afternoon I've been feeling something akin to panic. Like I'm not prepared, like I don't know the way, like the golden thread is eluding me and I'm lost, lost, lost.
The irony is: we're taking Red Riding Hood as our point of departure, so the feeling of being "lost" is laughably appropriate. But standing in the thick of it with no path in sight, it feels like no laughing matter.
There's so much inspiration, is the thing, that the problem more than anything at this particular moment may be that I have too much information, and it's obscuring the story that needs to be told. I have this gnawing feeling that I'm overcomplicating matters by falling in love with so many stories, so many themes (Demeter/Persephone, La Loba, Skin walkers), and trying to shoe-horn them all into one. But I don't know what to strip away when they all seem to speak to me so strongly.
I know that I just have to suck it up and make a choice. I know that I need to swallow the paralyzing terror of being lost in the woods and just strike out into the wilderness, move forward, choose a path. I know that is the next step.
So... Take it. Take a breath. Take a step. Start to tell a story and see where it takes you. Right foot, left foot, breathe breathe breathe...
Monday, 19 October 2009
Cat in my Lap
I'm house- and cat-sitting for Avye while she's in Texas visiting Virginia, and though I have to admit to being largely reserved in my affections towards cats in general, there is something really nice about having one curled up in your lap, purring. Makes you want to write a blog entry.
It's been a good day. Actually, scratch that. It's been a day that's gotten better as its progressed. It's always difficult to get psyched up to work on a Sunday, and today was no exception, so that was a bit rough. But my bike maintenance class (second one ever) was super great because I learned how to adjust my brakes and derailleur, and a changed out one of my brake housing and cables so now it works a lot better. It always takes forever to clean my hands after that class, but there's something so great about having gotten them dirty in the first place. I haven't been biking a whole lot lately (an unfortunate side-effect to having a lot of access to other people's cars in the past two weeks), but the weather was beautiful today, and it always feels so good to ride after I've worked on the bike. Like I've really earned the experience of flying down the road on tight tires and a newly oiled chain. It's going to be so depressing when winter comes...
We thought winter had come about two weeks ago, in fact. We had sticking snow, and things were *very* chilly for awhile there. But now we're getting a taste of the autumn we thought we'd missed, and it is good. I even had Pumpkin ice cream at Izzy's with Sarah yesterday to celebrate, and Morgan and Jennifer hosted an Apple Party last night that was also very autumnal.
It's good to be feeling good again. September was a really rough month. I was dealing with a lot of Big Questions (What do I want my life to look like? Where do i want to be? How do I create the art I want to create? Where do I create it? With whom? What IS that art? What am I willing to sacrifice for my art? What am I willing to sacrifice for my relationship? What is important to me?), and, understandably, it felt really overwhelming. It still feels overwhelming, at times, because I'm still struggling with those questions. But I knew that one thing I wanted, and would love, would be to work with Jon Ferguson, and now that's going to happen. In one of the most beautiful venues in the Twin Cities. I am So. Effing. Psyched.
It's also really convenient, because I've always been really drawn to folktales (and have been thinking about them recently as a fertile source for any work I might try to create in the near future), and this show seems to be structured, or posed, as a folk tale. Magical, fantastical, full of wonder, archetypal in many ways, without disavowing the dark underbelly. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. More will be made clear once we start rehearsals in several weeks.
In the meantime, I'm keeping myself busy with a lot of work, a smattering of play, and some volunteering. I'll start my weekly engagement with these guys this week, and will also be sitting in on a rehearsal of BBerlowitz and RRosen's. There's also a possibility of doing the Barebones Halloween show this year, which I've never even seen, and now might be performing in. (! A classic example of volunteering myself before realising how crazy it would make me. Oh well. It's only seven days' commitment.)
I still feel melancholy a lot, and I tire myself out too often and too easily, but the ground is more solid beneath my feet nowadays, even if I'm still not quite sure which planet I'm on. And when things start to feel a bit crazy again, there's nothing like a purring cat in your lap to keep you grounded.
It's been a good day. Actually, scratch that. It's been a day that's gotten better as its progressed. It's always difficult to get psyched up to work on a Sunday, and today was no exception, so that was a bit rough. But my bike maintenance class (second one ever) was super great because I learned how to adjust my brakes and derailleur, and a changed out one of my brake housing and cables so now it works a lot better. It always takes forever to clean my hands after that class, but there's something so great about having gotten them dirty in the first place. I haven't been biking a whole lot lately (an unfortunate side-effect to having a lot of access to other people's cars in the past two weeks), but the weather was beautiful today, and it always feels so good to ride after I've worked on the bike. Like I've really earned the experience of flying down the road on tight tires and a newly oiled chain. It's going to be so depressing when winter comes...
We thought winter had come about two weeks ago, in fact. We had sticking snow, and things were *very* chilly for awhile there. But now we're getting a taste of the autumn we thought we'd missed, and it is good. I even had Pumpkin ice cream at Izzy's with Sarah yesterday to celebrate, and Morgan and Jennifer hosted an Apple Party last night that was also very autumnal.
It's good to be feeling good again. September was a really rough month. I was dealing with a lot of Big Questions (What do I want my life to look like? Where do i want to be? How do I create the art I want to create? Where do I create it? With whom? What IS that art? What am I willing to sacrifice for my art? What am I willing to sacrifice for my relationship? What is important to me?), and, understandably, it felt really overwhelming. It still feels overwhelming, at times, because I'm still struggling with those questions. But I knew that one thing I wanted, and would love, would be to work with Jon Ferguson, and now that's going to happen. In one of the most beautiful venues in the Twin Cities. I am So. Effing. Psyched.
It's also really convenient, because I've always been really drawn to folktales (and have been thinking about them recently as a fertile source for any work I might try to create in the near future), and this show seems to be structured, or posed, as a folk tale. Magical, fantastical, full of wonder, archetypal in many ways, without disavowing the dark underbelly. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. More will be made clear once we start rehearsals in several weeks.
In the meantime, I'm keeping myself busy with a lot of work, a smattering of play, and some volunteering. I'll start my weekly engagement with these guys this week, and will also be sitting in on a rehearsal of BBerlowitz and RRosen's. There's also a possibility of doing the Barebones Halloween show this year, which I've never even seen, and now might be performing in. (! A classic example of volunteering myself before realising how crazy it would make me. Oh well. It's only seven days' commitment.)
I still feel melancholy a lot, and I tire myself out too often and too easily, but the ground is more solid beneath my feet nowadays, even if I'm still not quite sure which planet I'm on. And when things start to feel a bit crazy again, there's nothing like a purring cat in your lap to keep you grounded.
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
I've been cast!
In this show! I'm so very very excited, for so many reasons, and life is looking a lot brighter...
Monday, 14 September 2009
Good times, good friends
I will admit to partaking in some gratutitous self-pity earlier this evening. To standing alone in the middle of the living room and announcing to the all-too-playful dog, "I'm sad. And I'm angry. And unhappy.", and then numbing out to Cheers re-runs on TV. But then, Matthew called, and I was introduced to Bruce, who took Matt and Harper and I to PBRs and heated discussions and laughter. And Nate and Wexler showed up, and more beers were had, and now it's too late on a school night, and I don't care. Thank God for good times, good friends.
Friday, 28 August 2009
Catch-up post
It's raining in Indianapolis today, and most of my time has been spent in this coffee shop. We have our last two shows in the next two days, and then, early Monday morning, the group disperses and Diogo and I head to Minneapolis.
I'm thrilled to be coming home. This summer has only served to reinforce my view that Minneapolis is one of the best cities around. There is something *very* bittersweet, however, about the ending of this summer. This project and these people have been such a delight... there will definitely be some withdrawal symptoms this fall, I think, as it sinks in that this phase of this project is finished.
And then there's the fact that Diogo's visa expires a week from tomorrow. I've only recently realised how soon it is that he's leaving, and feel a little panicked about the fact. We've talked about the future a lot this summer, but I feel somehow that I'm no closer to a decision than I was before, and he's of the mind and heart that he's always (since Jan) been: he wants to get married. I have so many questions about that commitment still: what it means, if I want it, if I want it for the right reasons. Conversations with Janna and others have calmed me, made me feel grounded, but it's rarely a lasting sensation. Another reason spending time in Minneapolis with Diogo will be good: it will give me another mirror, another way to see us together, myself with him.
(Sidenote: the entire cast spent some time at at Erin's brother's in-laws lake house this week, and one night we all stayed up til 3am while Meredyth did hand readings for all of us. My two lesser life lessons, according to my fingerprints, palms, etc are "emotional authenticity" and "getting out of my head" - both personal challenges that I'm familiar with, and which come into sharp focus, I've found, in an intimate relationship. My over-riding lesson, also relevant and familiar, is that I am enough. Insert Mary Oliver poem here.)
Yes, it's been an interesting, intense summer. L.A. is not my city, I've discovered (or I knew all along), but I'm standing by my decision to move there for this company. There was a period of time (over these last couple of weeks, in fact) where it looked like I might move out as soon as mid-Sept: one of my temp jobs threw me in the path of a very wealthy independent entrepreneur who was looking for an assistant/office manager, and after meeting for coffee he assured me his attorney would be in touch to work out details of my employment. He didn't, however, so it looks like no 40K salary with benefits for me. Ah, well.
I have to admit that I was shocked, though, and how thrilled people seemed to be with me as a temp. I kept being re-requested, and on one gig I was asked for my resume on the second day... is it really that hard to find someone who will show up on time and answer phones semi-proficiently in Los Angeles?! Apparently so.... It gives me hope that I may be able to find steady work fairly quickly upon my return.
Another insane thing about L.A. is the celebrities and the level of wealth. Obvious, I know. But having met a couple of b/millionaires within a couple of weeks, and then having Famke Janssen wander into the firm I was temping with on my first day there, and sharing an elevator with Calista Flockhart at a Target, I was (and am) having difficulty reconciling the reality with the surreality of it all. As I asked my friend Lauren: "Do you ever get used to celebrities wandering around like so many exotic animals in an everyday zoo?" Her reply: "No."
And so it should come as no surprise to me, really, that I breathe easier in Seattle, in the Midwest. And after a summer of sleeping on borrowed beds and fold-out couches, it will feel particularly sweet to be home.
I'm thrilled to be coming home. This summer has only served to reinforce my view that Minneapolis is one of the best cities around. There is something *very* bittersweet, however, about the ending of this summer. This project and these people have been such a delight... there will definitely be some withdrawal symptoms this fall, I think, as it sinks in that this phase of this project is finished.
And then there's the fact that Diogo's visa expires a week from tomorrow. I've only recently realised how soon it is that he's leaving, and feel a little panicked about the fact. We've talked about the future a lot this summer, but I feel somehow that I'm no closer to a decision than I was before, and he's of the mind and heart that he's always (since Jan) been: he wants to get married. I have so many questions about that commitment still: what it means, if I want it, if I want it for the right reasons. Conversations with Janna and others have calmed me, made me feel grounded, but it's rarely a lasting sensation. Another reason spending time in Minneapolis with Diogo will be good: it will give me another mirror, another way to see us together, myself with him.
(Sidenote: the entire cast spent some time at at Erin's brother's in-laws lake house this week, and one night we all stayed up til 3am while Meredyth did hand readings for all of us. My two lesser life lessons, according to my fingerprints, palms, etc are "emotional authenticity" and "getting out of my head" - both personal challenges that I'm familiar with, and which come into sharp focus, I've found, in an intimate relationship. My over-riding lesson, also relevant and familiar, is that I am enough. Insert Mary Oliver poem here.)
Yes, it's been an interesting, intense summer. L.A. is not my city, I've discovered (or I knew all along), but I'm standing by my decision to move there for this company. There was a period of time (over these last couple of weeks, in fact) where it looked like I might move out as soon as mid-Sept: one of my temp jobs threw me in the path of a very wealthy independent entrepreneur who was looking for an assistant/office manager, and after meeting for coffee he assured me his attorney would be in touch to work out details of my employment. He didn't, however, so it looks like no 40K salary with benefits for me. Ah, well.
I have to admit that I was shocked, though, and how thrilled people seemed to be with me as a temp. I kept being re-requested, and on one gig I was asked for my resume on the second day... is it really that hard to find someone who will show up on time and answer phones semi-proficiently in Los Angeles?! Apparently so.... It gives me hope that I may be able to find steady work fairly quickly upon my return.
Another insane thing about L.A. is the celebrities and the level of wealth. Obvious, I know. But having met a couple of b/millionaires within a couple of weeks, and then having Famke Janssen wander into the firm I was temping with on my first day there, and sharing an elevator with Calista Flockhart at a Target, I was (and am) having difficulty reconciling the reality with the surreality of it all. As I asked my friend Lauren: "Do you ever get used to celebrities wandering around like so many exotic animals in an everyday zoo?" Her reply: "No."
And so it should come as no surprise to me, really, that I breathe easier in Seattle, in the Midwest. And after a summer of sleeping on borrowed beds and fold-out couches, it will feel particularly sweet to be home.
Monday, 24 August 2009
Review from L.A.
An awful lot has happened since my last post six weeks ago; as ever, apologies for not updating accordingly. Even now, as it's 1am and I'm exhausted after day three/performance three at the Indianapolis Fringe, I won't be filling in the blanks. (That's for tomorrow.) But in the meantime, here is a review from one of our shows in L.A. I'm so freaking proud of this piece, and I wish we could share it with everyone.
Thursday, 16 July 2009
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
The slippery hours
Unstructured time has a way of slipping away from you. All of a sudden, I've been here for six weeks and have precious little to show for it, really. (I'm speaking on a personal level, here: as far as the show is concerned, I think we have a lot to show for our work.) Other than rehearsal, I have very little (nothing?) going on, and with dwindling funds has come a reluctance to leave the house. The past several weeks, it seems, have just sidled on past, more empty than full, with too much oversleeping, a decent amount of reading, and a ridiculous number of computer-based Monopoly and Risk games.
The work situation (or lack thereof) has been pretty frustrating... I did end up being offered that job at TJoe's but had to turn it down because the store wasn't even opening until the end of July. Similarly, I had an interview scheduled for an independent coffee shop, but then discovered the travel time was upwards of an hour, and they needed someone who could be there at 6am (and in a house where most of the inhabitants, yourself included, are rarely in bed before 2am, that could quickly become a problem). I've registered with two branches of the same temp agency over the last two weeks, but it wasn't til this morning that I actually got a gig. And thank goodness! It's only a one-off, and who knows how often these will come up, but even just to have ONE day of work under my belt feels like such a relief. How nice to feel like a productive member of society once more!
As for the show, it feels increasingly as though we're hitting our stride as an ensemble. It's still disconcerting from time to time what a different piece this is from what we started with, but I'm fascinated and enthralled by what it's becoming. Still don't know what it will look like at the end of the day, and still feel that this will be a further draft of a larger potential instead of a completely realised and finished product, but I'm very happy with the process and the results thus far.
So much so that I'm considering moving to L.A. properly in early 2010, so I can be a full-fledged member of this company.
The work situation (or lack thereof) has been pretty frustrating... I did end up being offered that job at TJoe's but had to turn it down because the store wasn't even opening until the end of July. Similarly, I had an interview scheduled for an independent coffee shop, but then discovered the travel time was upwards of an hour, and they needed someone who could be there at 6am (and in a house where most of the inhabitants, yourself included, are rarely in bed before 2am, that could quickly become a problem). I've registered with two branches of the same temp agency over the last two weeks, but it wasn't til this morning that I actually got a gig. And thank goodness! It's only a one-off, and who knows how often these will come up, but even just to have ONE day of work under my belt feels like such a relief. How nice to feel like a productive member of society once more!
As for the show, it feels increasingly as though we're hitting our stride as an ensemble. It's still disconcerting from time to time what a different piece this is from what we started with, but I'm fascinated and enthralled by what it's becoming. Still don't know what it will look like at the end of the day, and still feel that this will be a further draft of a larger potential instead of a completely realised and finished product, but I'm very happy with the process and the results thus far.
So much so that I'm considering moving to L.A. properly in early 2010, so I can be a full-fledged member of this company.
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Learning LA
Today has been a beautiful day. Sleeping in, toad-in-the-hole breakfast for three, wandering around downtown (the Jewelry District, the considerably more seedy Toy District, independent bookstores, apricot ale on the sidewalk, thuglife photography), iPod sharing and seat-dancing on the bus, kitchen-cleaning and dinner-making, and then a late showing of Up, which made me cry approximately four times. What a beautiful film. Now I'm home, full of popcorn, and sleepy.
Tomorrow I'll start applying for jobs in earnest. I've been making a half-hearted effort up until this point, but most of the leads Erin and others have proffered haven't panned out, so it looks like I'll have to get my butt in gear. I had a disheartening experience applying for a position at a Trader Joe's the other day - a job I can't help but feel I'm over-qualified for - but I suppose a piece of humble pie is far from the worst meal I've eaten. As long as I don't get too discouraged. As long as I keep trying.
I still don't feel as though I have much of a handle on LA. I'm beginning to understand more and more why people say you *have* to have a car to live here... it's just so sprawling! So huge. It will seem smaller, I suppose, once I have a better sense of the pieces of it and how they fit together, but I'm not even sure how to achieve *that* step, how to understand the pieces. Ah well. Baby steps. Like taking the bus to downtown and wandering through the Toy District, for example.
Vegas was fun, by the way, but exhausting. I felt the need to hibernate once we got back, and essentially didn't interact with the world for a couple of days upon our return. It merits its own entry, and I'll try to get to that soon.
Other than that... rehearsal has been awesome. I'm so excited about this piece and this company. "June gloom" seems to have finally dissipated, and we're getting some proper sunshine, and I am getting some proper colour. Venice beach is awesome. The Santa Monica Farmer's Market is incredible. Every Friday Erin takes us on hikes (Runyon Canyon the first week, Solstice Canyon in Malibu the second) and they're lovely. Mango with sticky rice is heaven in my tummy. Mandy Patinkin and Patti LuPone kicked ass in their show at the Ahmanson last night. I'm in love with purple jacaranda trees...
At moments I get a little homesick. But for now, that's ok. I'm learning LA and my place in it a little at a time. Today was a beautiful day, and tomorrow will be another.
Tomorrow I'll start applying for jobs in earnest. I've been making a half-hearted effort up until this point, but most of the leads Erin and others have proffered haven't panned out, so it looks like I'll have to get my butt in gear. I had a disheartening experience applying for a position at a Trader Joe's the other day - a job I can't help but feel I'm over-qualified for - but I suppose a piece of humble pie is far from the worst meal I've eaten. As long as I don't get too discouraged. As long as I keep trying.
I still don't feel as though I have much of a handle on LA. I'm beginning to understand more and more why people say you *have* to have a car to live here... it's just so sprawling! So huge. It will seem smaller, I suppose, once I have a better sense of the pieces of it and how they fit together, but I'm not even sure how to achieve *that* step, how to understand the pieces. Ah well. Baby steps. Like taking the bus to downtown and wandering through the Toy District, for example.
Vegas was fun, by the way, but exhausting. I felt the need to hibernate once we got back, and essentially didn't interact with the world for a couple of days upon our return. It merits its own entry, and I'll try to get to that soon.
Other than that... rehearsal has been awesome. I'm so excited about this piece and this company. "June gloom" seems to have finally dissipated, and we're getting some proper sunshine, and I am getting some proper colour. Venice beach is awesome. The Santa Monica Farmer's Market is incredible. Every Friday Erin takes us on hikes (Runyon Canyon the first week, Solstice Canyon in Malibu the second) and they're lovely. Mango with sticky rice is heaven in my tummy. Mandy Patinkin and Patti LuPone kicked ass in their show at the Ahmanson last night. I'm in love with purple jacaranda trees...
At moments I get a little homesick. But for now, that's ok. I'm learning LA and my place in it a little at a time. Today was a beautiful day, and tomorrow will be another.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Viva Las Vegas!
In another fantasically unexpected turn of events, Diogo and I are going to Vegas. Like, right now. I'll explain:
A couple of weeks ago, I had the good fortune of attending the lovely wedding of Christina and Emanuel, and the even better fortune of being sat at a table with a delightful young woman... we'll call her Dot. (I do.) Dot is from Las Vegas, and over the course of the reception and aided by the presence of an open bar, we became fast friends. "You'll have to call me when you're in L.A.!" she said. "I go down there all the time!"
Turns out she wasn't kidding. This past Thursday she was here to see a concert, and met up with D and I beforehand for dinner and drinks... over which she discovered that neither of us had ever been to Vegas. Shocking! And a situation she planned to rectify.
Which is how we find ourselves today packed and ready and waiting to be picked up by Dot, who is driving FROM LAS VEGAS, PICKING US UP IN L.A., and taking us BACK TO VEGAS. A drive that she'll do again on Thursday, when she brings us home. We asked her about twenty times if she was completely absolutely positively sure that she wanted to do this... but she's insisting, and so we're going. I mean, really, twist our arms.
Vegas, here we come!
A couple of weeks ago, I had the good fortune of attending the lovely wedding of Christina and Emanuel, and the even better fortune of being sat at a table with a delightful young woman... we'll call her Dot. (I do.) Dot is from Las Vegas, and over the course of the reception and aided by the presence of an open bar, we became fast friends. "You'll have to call me when you're in L.A.!" she said. "I go down there all the time!"
Turns out she wasn't kidding. This past Thursday she was here to see a concert, and met up with D and I beforehand for dinner and drinks... over which she discovered that neither of us had ever been to Vegas. Shocking! And a situation she planned to rectify.
Which is how we find ourselves today packed and ready and waiting to be picked up by Dot, who is driving FROM LAS VEGAS, PICKING US UP IN L.A., and taking us BACK TO VEGAS. A drive that she'll do again on Thursday, when she brings us home. We asked her about twenty times if she was completely absolutely positively sure that she wanted to do this... but she's insisting, and so we're going. I mean, really, twist our arms.
Vegas, here we come!
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
New Adventures
Months after my last post, the landscape has (literally) changed, and I find myself in Los Angeles. This summer promises to be quite the adventure - I'm staying here with Diogo in Erin and Jones' living room, starting rehearsal on Friday for the new, improved, and extended version of Crossing the Bridge (Erin's final project at LISPA), which will also be the flagship production of Leonix Theatre Ensemble.
It's funny, in a way; L.A. is the last place I ever imagined myself. But these people are so compelling, this project so inspiring, that there was no hesitation in my decision to come out here for the summer. There are still a lot of unknowns - what will happen in the fall, for example, and if and how I'll be able to find work whilst here, and whether we'll all work together as well as we imagine - but that's what makes it an adventure, no?
To be honest, it felt a bit bittersweet to come out here at this precise moment, because for the first time in a long time I was really, really enjoying being in Minneapolis. So much so, in fact, that I really didn't feel any need or desire to leave. For so many years - high school onwards, really - when it came to Minneapolis I'd always had one foot out the door, one eye on the horizon, and so these last months in the Twin Cities, when I realised how content I was just to *be* there, were particularly sweet. And they were sweet months... beginning aerial classes, performing in Seven Jewish Children and the Ten Minute Festival at Bedlam, rediscovering the landscape of the metropolis by bike, happy hours and specials at Luce and Tracy's, the incorrigible bloom of the Cities in spring, a new appreciation for the community and my work at Dunns, QT in abundance with Mom and Finn, ANTM with Gemma, jigsaw puzzles with Sarah H, Smersh HQ meetings, MY FIVE YEAR COLLEGE REUNION (!), finding my connections within the Minneapolis artistic community, midnight photo shoots in Matthews park... the list goes on.
Perhaps as a result of the glow from these last few months, I'm operating more or less under the assumption that I'll be back in the Twin Cities for the fall (also as a result of being so happy in Mpls this spring, I decided *not* to apply to that MA programme in London. Yet.) But as we all know, these things can change in a matter of moments. My heart may lead me elsewhere - Portugal, London, some new and undisclosed location - or anchor me here, with the burgeoning and compelling work of this newly founded company, these beautiful and intelligent people. As much as I can, I'm trying not to worry, trying to remain open to all the possibilities within and without me.
Nevertheless, this summer feels Big. Important. Like the potential beginnings of some very big experiences and choices, both personally and professionally. And I can't help but wonder what the future will bring...
It's funny, in a way; L.A. is the last place I ever imagined myself. But these people are so compelling, this project so inspiring, that there was no hesitation in my decision to come out here for the summer. There are still a lot of unknowns - what will happen in the fall, for example, and if and how I'll be able to find work whilst here, and whether we'll all work together as well as we imagine - but that's what makes it an adventure, no?
To be honest, it felt a bit bittersweet to come out here at this precise moment, because for the first time in a long time I was really, really enjoying being in Minneapolis. So much so, in fact, that I really didn't feel any need or desire to leave. For so many years - high school onwards, really - when it came to Minneapolis I'd always had one foot out the door, one eye on the horizon, and so these last months in the Twin Cities, when I realised how content I was just to *be* there, were particularly sweet. And they were sweet months... beginning aerial classes, performing in Seven Jewish Children and the Ten Minute Festival at Bedlam, rediscovering the landscape of the metropolis by bike, happy hours and specials at Luce and Tracy's, the incorrigible bloom of the Cities in spring, a new appreciation for the community and my work at Dunns, QT in abundance with Mom and Finn, ANTM with Gemma, jigsaw puzzles with Sarah H, Smersh HQ meetings, MY FIVE YEAR COLLEGE REUNION (!), finding my connections within the Minneapolis artistic community, midnight photo shoots in Matthews park... the list goes on.
Perhaps as a result of the glow from these last few months, I'm operating more or less under the assumption that I'll be back in the Twin Cities for the fall (also as a result of being so happy in Mpls this spring, I decided *not* to apply to that MA programme in London. Yet.) But as we all know, these things can change in a matter of moments. My heart may lead me elsewhere - Portugal, London, some new and undisclosed location - or anchor me here, with the burgeoning and compelling work of this newly founded company, these beautiful and intelligent people. As much as I can, I'm trying not to worry, trying to remain open to all the possibilities within and without me.
Nevertheless, this summer feels Big. Important. Like the potential beginnings of some very big experiences and choices, both personally and professionally. And I can't help but wonder what the future will bring...
Friday, 27 March 2009
Waffler/Procrastinator Extraordinaire
Today was a (mostly) day off. As such, I was going to use it for lots of things. But mostly for writing an essay for entrance into grad school in London.
Does it surprise anyone that I've found ways of dancing around the actual writing of said essay all day long by running errands, and for the past hour by reading related materials online? And now I have to go walk the dog and eat dinner before work?
I'm still deciding if I even want to do this program. Actually, no. That's not true. I'd love to do it. But I'm still deciding if it's what I want and need Right Now. And I'm using that as an excuse to not even try. Lame, lame, lame.
It's a M.A. in Applied Drama: Theatre in Educational, Community, and Social Contexts, by the way. At Goldsmith's College. For this fall. Go figure.
In other news, Rob Brezny had yet more words of wisdom for me today... Argh. When will he stop being so relevant?!
No pain no gain
I have bruises the size of small island nations on the backs of my knees. Such is the price one pays for aerial classes (that and a hundred odd bucks). It's nice to have a scheduled activity like this twice a week, especially since it's a skill I want to learn, but I'm early enough in the process now that it's still Really Frustrating. I feel clumsy and awkward and weak on the trapeze in particular, and when your forearms are aching after the first five minutes of an hour-long class, making it near-impossible to hold yourself up on the ropes, it's a little discouraging to say the least.
So now my challenge is to channel that frustration into determination, and start doing conditioning on my own time. Hanging from monkey bars at the playground, press-ups and V-sits at home, working one of those little squeezy-grippy things you can get at Target... these will make up the humble beginnings of my regimen. And if I don't start seeing some results in the next couple of weeks... well, I guess I'll just keep working.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
I know, I know...
I've been crap about blogging. But... WHAT TO WRITE?! I don't know. Life is constantly oscillating between epic and mundane, and I'm also mid-existential crisis ALL THE TIME.
I also have a CAPS-LOCK FIXATION.
But seriously... I know I've been bad about blogging. Truth be told, it would probably be good for me to write more often, because it would force me to articulate all that's going on within and without me these days, and perhaps yield some answers (! wishful thinking alert!) about where I am, and where I'm going and where I want to be.
(.... Tall order. You see why I've been having trouble figuring out what to write?)
But regardless... I should try. It will do me good. So I hereby usher in a new age of blogging, wherein I will write often, articulately, and well. And in a timely fashion.
Starting tomorrow.
Friday, 20 February 2009
Once upon a time there was a princess...
Tonight, after dinner, while discussing family histories and weddings and the like and looking through old photo albums, Mom was inspired to bring up from the basement a huge box full of Isabel-related paraphernalia. We're talking book reports, drawings, report cards, critiques from piano competitions, the whole kit and kaboodle. I don't think we made it through a quarter of what-all was in there, but you know what we did find?
Stories. Lots and lots of stories.
All about princesses, usually who lived in castles, who were kidnapped by "bad guys" or "yucky animals" or dragons, and put in either a net or a cage until they were rescued by the prince, whom they subsequently married, and lived happily ever after. Most often the princesses were human, but we definitely also found the stories of the Zebra Princess, the Crab Princess, the Walking Talking Castle Princess, The Walking Talking Hat Princess, and the Squid Princess (all of which, despite their nonhuman nature, still managed to encounter similar fates as their human counterparts).
Pretty much all of these were written in a two-month stretch from Feb-March 1988. But still, it would seem that in my youth I was (perhaps unhealthily) obsessed with princesses.
(I'm unsure what conclusions to draw from that, really. And in fairness, there were also *lots* of stories from my junior high years wherein I was particularly concerned with gender reversal in fairy tales. But at the moment, I'm not too concerned.)
I ended up picking out a couple of my favorite princess stories, and posting them on the refrigerator. One of them goes like this:
"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. She lived in a lovely castle. All of the princes loved her so she married the one she loved and they lived happily ever after. The End."
The Zebra Princess story made it on there, too: one of the few stories that didn't involve a prince. I would share it here, but to be honest the brilliance of it lies in its illustrations.
Anyway, the point of this entry is that I had a really lovely evening tonight. Mom and I were in hysterics reading princess story after princess story, and just had such a great time. Royalty we may not be, but we know how to have a royally good time.
Stories. Lots and lots of stories.
All about princesses, usually who lived in castles, who were kidnapped by "bad guys" or "yucky animals" or dragons, and put in either a net or a cage until they were rescued by the prince, whom they subsequently married, and lived happily ever after. Most often the princesses were human, but we definitely also found the stories of the Zebra Princess, the Crab Princess, the Walking Talking Castle Princess, The Walking Talking Hat Princess, and the Squid Princess (all of which, despite their nonhuman nature, still managed to encounter similar fates as their human counterparts).
Pretty much all of these were written in a two-month stretch from Feb-March 1988. But still, it would seem that in my youth I was (perhaps unhealthily) obsessed with princesses.
(I'm unsure what conclusions to draw from that, really. And in fairness, there were also *lots* of stories from my junior high years wherein I was particularly concerned with gender reversal in fairy tales. But at the moment, I'm not too concerned.)
I ended up picking out a couple of my favorite princess stories, and posting them on the refrigerator. One of them goes like this:
"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. She lived in a lovely castle. All of the princes loved her so she married the one she loved and they lived happily ever after. The End."
The Zebra Princess story made it on there, too: one of the few stories that didn't involve a prince. I would share it here, but to be honest the brilliance of it lies in its illustrations.
Anyway, the point of this entry is that I had a really lovely evening tonight. Mom and I were in hysterics reading princess story after princess story, and just had such a great time. Royalty we may not be, but we know how to have a royally good time.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Ugh.
I have a headcold, and we didn't get into the MN Fringe with Erin's show. Double bummer.
These past couple of days have felt exhausting. And I'm not even back at work yet! There's just so much to think about, and feel about, and on top of it all I'm ill and my uterus is in revolt. Basically, the only answer is to crawl into bed, cry like a four-year-old, and let the world take care of itself. I need to look out for me.
These past couple of days have felt exhausting. And I'm not even back at work yet! There's just so much to think about, and feel about, and on top of it all I'm ill and my uterus is in revolt. Basically, the only answer is to crawl into bed, cry like a four-year-old, and let the world take care of itself. I need to look out for me.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
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