You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

-Mary Oliver

Sunday 12 October 2008

Nao e Natal, e Portugal

Today is the first gray day we've had since I arrived in Portugal, and it's *still* stunningly beautiful. I'm looking at the ocean right now (yes, *Right Now*), and just being.

It's been a very full past week. I doubt I'll be able to get it all down, but I'll try.

To start with the most recent and most painful news - Cecile went back to France. It's not a decision or situation that can be explained here - it's too complex, and not my story to tell. But suffice it to say that as strange and sad as it is to have her gone, and as painful a choice as I know it was for her, some part of me is sure that it's what needed to happen. She'll be in touch. I hope she'll be well. And I wish her all the strength and love and support in the world.

Now it remains for the four of us remaining to find our new equilibrium. The past two days have been principally spent recuperating and recalibrating. It's back to the rehearsal room tomorrow, and we'll see how this new circumstance affects the work.

The work we *have* been doing over the past week, though, has been very exciting. We have the rehearsal space on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays from 9:30 til 3, and as difficult as it is to find our way on our own, with no teachers or larger umbrella of the school to encompass us, every day something new emerges. I have great hopes for this project. It's still too early to say what it is or will be exactly, but this is a very skilled and talented and exciting group, and as a first effort I think there's an immense amount of potential.

Our days tend to follow the pattern of rehearsal, then conditioning, then a large late lunch and a nap, and then a quiet evening, oftentimes including drinks at Bombar. Bombar is Diogo's local watering hole - everyone seems to know him there, and after two and a half weeks, lots of people know me too! It's astonishing how little time it's taken for this place to feel like home. This is largely to the credit of all the people I've met - Goncalo and Joana and Susana and Fabio and Sara and Johnny and Victor and both Pedros and Carlos and Vilinha and the other Susana and Isabel and and and. The list goes on. And of course, Diogo's parents, who welcome all fivenowfour of us into their home for lunch every Saturday and Sunday, and stuff us full of food and wine and dessert and cheese and port and refuse to let us clear the dishes.

And the food. Have I mentioned the food? I haven't eaten this well this consistently in years. YEARS. And it turns out that I love fish, especially the little mackerel that you fry and eat more or less whole, and it turns out that my attempts at Portuguese aren't completely a lost cause, and it turns out that I could be very happy here, I think, for a very long time.

Some highlights:
  • Having not one, not two, but THREE celebrations on my birthday - one at midnight with an orange covered in tin foil and stuck full of sparklers at Joana's house after an immense dinner of pork and rice and potatoes and wine and everyone singing in three part harmony in English, in Portuguese, in French; one at Diogo's parents' house on the day, complete with champagne and the most stunning chocolate cake and more sparklers and singing; and one at Bombar on the night, with another amazing chocolate cake, by Joana this time, and everyone singing once more.
  • Running all the way to the beach after rehearsal on Friday, and then conditioning and playing in the surf.
  • Diogo's pork chops
  • Johnny and Victor conspiring to take me on a road trip/tour of the Portuguese Highlands
  • Late night movies on TV and pizza and ice cream with Aram and Diogo
  • Dancing at Bombar
  • Walks along the beach
  • The view of Porto from the train
  • The smell of the sea
That's all I have time for at the moment. I'm happy. I'm well. Wishing the same to those I love, all over the world.

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