I should be asleep. I should be turning off my computer, turning down my covers, and taking a much-needed and much -deserved rest. But this self-destructive and noisy-hearted impulse keeps me sitting up in bed, typing away.
We had our first evening of final performances tonight. Each graduating student of the Advanced Course gets a single showing of their personal piece that they've been working on over the past weeks, and since there are 60 of us, this means eight nights of shows featuring 6-8 pieces each, every night completely different from the last. I performed in my friend Jillian's piece tonight, I have tomorrow "off" (meaning I'm not performing - I'm *only* rehearsing for four hours), then I perform my piece on Tuesday, Lyndal's on Wednesday, Erin's on Thursday... then a few days of lighter rehearsal before I perform again in two pieces on Monday (Diogo's and Maria's), and in Rebecca's on Tuesday. Wednesday is the final night of performances, which, thankfully, I just get to enjoy as an audience member.
And then, that Friday, I graduate.
It will break my heart to see this community, this artistic family that has become my home over the past two years dissipate. How could it not? But I have been far too busy loving (and, of course, stressing out about and tearing my hair out over) the work over these past days and weeks to look towards that inevitable dissolution. And, it's time. Now is the moment to carry these joyful burdens of the artistic tools I've been given out into the world, and see how the hammers and saws meld to my hands. How my heart can wield the wonder of these implements. If it can, in the way I hope it to.
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