In twenty minutes, I leave my place of employ for the last time and hop on the tube to the train to the airport to the plane to Porto. I feel like I've had eight coffees when I've only had one. My co-workers gave me a card and a giftie, and Rachel made maandazi, and I almost wept a little. I didn't sleep much last night, was up at 5:30, and left my floor unHoovered. I found two more grey hairs this weekend, and had an anxiety dream on Monday morning about revolutions and violence and allegiances. I'm leaving for Portugal. I'm leaving London. I'm leaving London?! Oh my God, I'm going to Portugal.
Yes, I'm excited. Yes, I'm anxious. Mostly, I'm exhausted. This hasn't been the calmest or kindest month for me. I still feel that I didn't do everything that I'd hoped or was supposed to before I left, but it's a moot point. I'm going to arrive in Porto, and Diogo will pick me up from the airport, and I will meet his family and shower and eat and sleep sleep sleep the past month away, and tomorrow I will go to the ocean and take deep, deep breaths.
I wish I had been able to write more recently. There's been a lot going on, and so all the more reason to write. But time has slipped away, as it so often does, and the moment has come to embark on the next adventure, even as this one feels as though it hasn't completely ended. I'll write as much as I can in the coming weeks, but I don't expect to have internet access, so bear with the silence.
I'm off to make art in a foreign land.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
Monday, 22 September 2008
Under Cover of Calm
The weekend was actually really lovely. But now I leave for Portugal in two days and am Freaking. Out.
But very quietly, and under the guise of complete, level-headed control.
But very quietly, and under the guise of complete, level-headed control.
Friday, 19 September 2008
Yesterday was Dramatic, Today is Ok
As the sun has emerged, so has it chased (at least to the fringes) the stress that has plagued me of late. I'm not out of the woods yet. I doubt I will be until I get out of London (and Portugal will bring its own set of adventures, stresses, and joys). But today I actually (gasp!) enjoyed work, and having made lists upon lists of things to accomplish in the next few days, everything's beginning to look a little bit more managable. Still crazy-busy, but managable.
The work day (one of my last) is drawing to a close now, and I'm trying to rally my remaining energy for drinks with co-workers. I was informed last week that it would be expected that I would arrange myself a "leaving do" so everyone could have an excuse to go have a pint or four in my company, and at first I was *very* reluctant. My initial reaction: "Do I have to?"
Wait, what?
Who is this girl, and what has she done with your friend? When have I ever, EVER, done anything short of leaping at the chance to be celebrated and made a fuss over?
If none of the previous entries have driven home just how stressed, distracted, and generally a mess I've been over the past couple of weeks, that last tidbit should do it. I practically had to have my arm twisted in order to set a time and venue - the big to-do starts in T-minus twelve minutes.
And of course now that it's all set up, I'm suddenly worried that noone is going to come and I'm going to feel like a big fat loser. But don't worry - it's just the stress talking.
The work day (one of my last) is drawing to a close now, and I'm trying to rally my remaining energy for drinks with co-workers. I was informed last week that it would be expected that I would arrange myself a "leaving do" so everyone could have an excuse to go have a pint or four in my company, and at first I was *very* reluctant. My initial reaction: "Do I have to?"
Wait, what?
Who is this girl, and what has she done with your friend? When have I ever, EVER, done anything short of leaping at the chance to be celebrated and made a fuss over?
If none of the previous entries have driven home just how stressed, distracted, and generally a mess I've been over the past couple of weeks, that last tidbit should do it. I practically had to have my arm twisted in order to set a time and venue - the big to-do starts in T-minus twelve minutes.
And of course now that it's all set up, I'm suddenly worried that noone is going to come and I'm going to feel like a big fat loser. But don't worry - it's just the stress talking.
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Simon Says
Last night looked like it was going to devolve into a further downward spiral of anxiety and unhealthy behaviour when I got a very timely phone call from one Simon Jackson, who's had a lot of practice in talking me down from the ledge. For example:
Me: I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump! It's ALL TOO MUCH!!!
Him: That's too bad. I was going to read you Jane Austen while you eat that Midnight Chocolate Cookie Haagen Dazs that's in your freezer.
Me: ... ok.
And this is why I will marry him someday.
Me: I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump! It's ALL TOO MUCH!!!
Him: That's too bad. I was going to read you Jane Austen while you eat that Midnight Chocolate Cookie Haagen Dazs that's in your freezer.
Me: ... ok.
And this is why I will marry him someday.
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Like a Rollercoaster
... and then back to listless today. What is up with me feeling so down?
Maybe Rob Brezny has some words of wisdom - seemed to work pretty well last week...
"Libra Horoscope for week of September 18, 2008
Delfin Vigil interviewed the band Social Studies for the San Francisco Chronicle. He asked guitarist Aaron Weiss, "What is the meaning of life?" Here's what Weiss said: "Wearing a big name tag, having something stuck in your teeth, walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe while awkwardly trying to hit on girls. Living on this planet is worthless without the proper amount of humility." While I think that's close to what the meaning of life has been for you recently, Libra, the definition will soon change to something like this: You come on stage to greet an adoring audience, do a riveting song and dance, then announce that you won't be doing any more shows for a while because you're about to go off and get busy on creating your next big splash. "
God, I hope he's right.
Maybe Rob Brezny has some words of wisdom - seemed to work pretty well last week...
"Libra Horoscope for week of September 18, 2008
Delfin Vigil interviewed the band Social Studies for the San Francisco Chronicle. He asked guitarist Aaron Weiss, "What is the meaning of life?" Here's what Weiss said: "Wearing a big name tag, having something stuck in your teeth, walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe while awkwardly trying to hit on girls. Living on this planet is worthless without the proper amount of humility." While I think that's close to what the meaning of life has been for you recently, Libra, the definition will soon change to something like this: You come on stage to greet an adoring audience, do a riveting song and dance, then announce that you won't be doing any more shows for a while because you're about to go off and get busy on creating your next big splash. "
God, I hope he's right.
Better now
And sometimes all you need is a walk by the river, some red wine over dinner, and to dance Dance DANCE all sweaty and crazy-like to bands like this.
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
S.O.S. (Stressed Out Sister)
Things have been really crazy lately, and I'm feeling a bit stressed. Heartbreak continues to dog those around me, and I'm doing everything I can to support them. Plane tickets are being changed, plans with them, and time remaining is skooshed into tiny containers (an hour here, two hours there) that *look* as though they'll be big enough to hold what you need them to (Call agent. Scrub kitchen floor. Pack. Take clothes to Charity Shop. Work out notation for songs for Alex. Learn Portuguese).... but then never seem to be enough. My room makes it look like Hurricane Ike took a detour through East London. The kitchen isn't much better. I bought my little Learn Portuguese guide a month ago and haven't made it past the first five pages.
And I leave London in eight days.
Help!
And I leave London in eight days.
Help!
Friday, 12 September 2008
The Week in (Detailed) Review
And speaking of pushing the reset button... it's been awhile since I've blogged and there's a lot to catch up on (not the least of which is that Amsterussels entry I promised aeons ago). So let's buckle in and get straight to it, shall we?
Last weekend was really lovely in a lazy, laid-back, easy kind of way. The weather was cold and drizzly and windy for the most part, which helped with the lazy part... Friday night after a *very* long journey home from work I settled in with some pizza delivery, beer, and Will and Grace (which I haven't seen in AGES and in retrospect really isn't that funny... but was exactly the kind of fluff I needed). I was in this pleasantly cozy state when Carrie walked in the door from work at the leisure centre (read: gym).
"Guess what I have!"
"I dunno. What?"
"Two tickets to Fast n Funky Dance Aerobics tomorrow at 11:30am! And one of them has your name on it...."
It says a lot about me that my reaction to this piece of news was to get Really Excited. But I mean, really. Why wouldn't you be thrilled about checking out an exercise class that had "Funky Dance" in the title? So with plans for the morning safely squared away, we settled in with the remainder of the beer to watch Volver.
After we finished the movie, chances are good I stayed up an extra hour or two for good measure. I've been really good at doing that lately - being ready for bed at a decent hour, but then staying up til 1am (or 2am, or later) doing little more than piddling around online or on Skype. I'm not allowed to complain about being tired anymore without fully admitting that it's noone's fault but my own.
Late night or no, I was still up in time for Fast n Funky Dance Aerobics. I must admit, however, that though it was at times somewhat fast, and certainly aerobic, there wasn't much funky dance to be found. Sad face. Regardless, though, it was good to move after days of stagnation (I've had a flat tire for awhile now that I still haven't fixed, and haven't been cycling much as a result), and I'm glad we went.
There were big plans to go to Borough Market after class, but the weather was so gross we decided to stay in. Well, more or less. Agnese had just arrived (she's moving into Baerbel's room until our lease expires at the end of the month), and so there was catching-up to do, and so we all went to Le Epicerie for lunch. A word about Le Epicerie: it's about a block from my house, I walk or cycle past it every day, and I had never been there before, AND it's AWESOME. I can't believe such a lovely little slice of yummy food corner deli cafe great coffee adorable lovely relaxed atmosphere was right around the corner from my house and I hadn't taken advantage of it until now! I have learned the error of my ways. Oh my God and the feta and courgette quiche and the Morrocan lamb wrap and the cappuccino the cappuccino!!! Guess I know where I'm going for lunch again tomorrow...
Saturday night brought a CRAZY (but ultimately satisfying) night at work, with Vietnamese food afterwards with Carrie and a long journey home. And again, I think it took me longer to actually go to bed than it should've, despite being bone tired. What is up with that?
Sunday was another quiet day - some laundry, a touch of room cleaning, a shower, a lot of dish-washing, and a lovely afternoon at the Dove Freehouse and Pub with a bunch of girls from school whom I very serendipitously stumbled upon. We ate Sunday roasts, and drank beer, and chatted, and laughed, and meandered down Broadway Market for coffee. I stopped into this shop (link forthcoming - I can't remember what the place is called) - again, a spot I've passed by literally hundreds of times in the past year, but had never been into. It's brilliant. It's a shop consisting entirely of photograph prints from locations in Hackney and East London - the Hackney Empire, London Fields, Broadway Market... images of most all of my favorite spots adorned the walls, and all of a sudden I got homesick for London, even though I haven't left. Because those spots are what I'll miss, and the discovery of little shops that celebrate them.
Didn't buy anything, but most likely will before I leave.
I can't remember what I did on Sunday night. Probably spoke with people on Skype, maybe watched a film or Sopranos with Agnese. And probably stayed up past my bedtime. Again. (Actually, I do remember - Agne made soup, I skyped with Matty, and we watched an episode of the Sopranos.)
Monday was Tucker's birthday (as well as Will's!), so after a surprisingly speedy and pleasant day at work, I spent some time on the phone at home catching up with the fam. Most of you will have probably heard at this point that MY DAD HAS ENROLLED IN LISPA AND IS STARTING SCHOOL HERE IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!, so I've been talking with him and Mom a lot lately about logistics and the exciting developments to come (Dad coming to LISPA could warrant an entire entry in and of itself, but suffice it to say for the moment that I'm incredibly excited for him, enormously proud of him, and think it will be an amazing amazing experience for him. Yay Dad! And yay Mom for being such an incredibly supportive and courageous partner. Geez, my parents are great!) Tucker is also looking at big changes - after graduating from Beloit this past spring, he's now looking to move out to NYC in a few weeks, which is *also* very exciting. My family, the adventurers. This is where I get it from.
And Tuesday! Tuesday saw my reintegration into the wide world of acrobatics. The Circus Space has recently revamped their classes so there are now TWO beginners levels, and having been gone for awhile I took the B1 class on Tuesday. I went in a little cocky, and by the end was thinking to myself: you know, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing to stay at this level. I mean, I could do pretty much everything the instructor asked (forward, back, and side rolls, cartwheels, handstand-forward-rolls, etc - though the dive rolls were a little sticky), but my form is far from perfect, and some back-to-basics foundational stuff couldn't hurt. But then when he pulled me aside at the end of class and told me to move up to B2 - I was so excited! I'd been promoted! Rah rah rah! I was so excited, in fact, that I shimmied my little self up to the registration desk and signed up for a B2 class two days later, on Thursday. Might as well, right? I didn't have anything else planned...
Fast forward to Thursday morning, and I could barely move. Wednesday had been bad, but Thursday was unquestionably worse. I kept taking breaks from my computer to go into a side office and stretch and do the few yoga poses I know. My customary strut had morphed into a hobble. I was in poor shape, and questioning my decision to sign up for an even more difficult class so soon after the first one. My fears were only compounded by the fact that when I walked into the class that evening, most of the other participants were either tall, Adonis-looking, well- muscled men, or girls about the size of my thigh and at least as strong (that's a compliment, by the way. I have strong thighs.) Sure enough, within the first half hour we were being asked to do all manner of tumbling I'd never even attempted before (or if I'd attempted them, I'd never actually been able to DO them) : straight-leg backward rolls; tuck-up to handstand to forward roll; one-handed cartwheels on both sides with alternating hands; backward rolls into handstands. Of *all* of those, I think I managed to do two. *sigh* Oh well. That's what practice is for.
This morning I'm feeling a little sore, but I'm sure it won't be able to hold a candle to the crippling pain I'll feel tomorrow. And yes, I'm still considering going to a class. Just handstands this time, though - I want to nail that tuck-up.
I can't tell you how good the pain feels, though. To move again feels amaaaaaaazing. As sore as I felt yesterday, it all disappeared as soon as we started warming up (and re-appeared later. But at least I was warm and sweaty and chock-full of endorphins by then). And I always sleep soooo well the following night. I mean, I usually sleep well, but this sleeping well smells like vanilla and lavender and feels like all the goosedown comforters in the world, only more ethical.
Tonight, I'm cancelling all potential plans to run some errands (faxing my absentee registration! Gobama!) and have a quiet night at home. I leave for Portugal in under two weeks, and so I should start packing now, as well as getting assorted other ducks in a row. (Which is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Leaving London in under two weeks?! Ack with the packing and the cleaning and the pseudo-farewells and the surreality of it all! And how strange-yet-fitting that just as the newest manifestation of my life here begins to feel normal, I'm off on another adventure. There's more to write about that, but I'll leave it for the moment.)
Speaking of Portugal, it looks as though I won't have much, if any, internet access while I'm there, so apologies in advance for the anticipated lack of blogging. I'll be gone from 24th Sept until 10th Nov, and my postal address in Portugal will be on my facebook page, or email me if you'd like it sent to you that way. I want postcards and little birthday parcels of love! And that's the last I'll say about it.
Another highlight of the week was seeing The Family, which was a wonderful clown show, and spending some time with Aram and Ana Mirtha. I have such great friends.
Well, I think that should do it for the moment. There's even more I could write about (shocking, I know), but I should give my poor little fingers a rest. But if I have the chance after lunch (no promises here) maybe I'll be able to squeeze in that Amsterussels entry after all...
Last weekend was really lovely in a lazy, laid-back, easy kind of way. The weather was cold and drizzly and windy for the most part, which helped with the lazy part... Friday night after a *very* long journey home from work I settled in with some pizza delivery, beer, and Will and Grace (which I haven't seen in AGES and in retrospect really isn't that funny... but was exactly the kind of fluff I needed). I was in this pleasantly cozy state when Carrie walked in the door from work at the leisure centre (read: gym).
"Guess what I have!"
"I dunno. What?"
"Two tickets to Fast n Funky Dance Aerobics tomorrow at 11:30am! And one of them has your name on it...."
It says a lot about me that my reaction to this piece of news was to get Really Excited. But I mean, really. Why wouldn't you be thrilled about checking out an exercise class that had "Funky Dance" in the title? So with plans for the morning safely squared away, we settled in with the remainder of the beer to watch Volver.
After we finished the movie, chances are good I stayed up an extra hour or two for good measure. I've been really good at doing that lately - being ready for bed at a decent hour, but then staying up til 1am (or 2am, or later) doing little more than piddling around online or on Skype. I'm not allowed to complain about being tired anymore without fully admitting that it's noone's fault but my own.
Late night or no, I was still up in time for Fast n Funky Dance Aerobics. I must admit, however, that though it was at times somewhat fast, and certainly aerobic, there wasn't much funky dance to be found. Sad face. Regardless, though, it was good to move after days of stagnation (I've had a flat tire for awhile now that I still haven't fixed, and haven't been cycling much as a result), and I'm glad we went.
There were big plans to go to Borough Market after class, but the weather was so gross we decided to stay in. Well, more or less. Agnese had just arrived (she's moving into Baerbel's room until our lease expires at the end of the month), and so there was catching-up to do, and so we all went to Le Epicerie for lunch. A word about Le Epicerie: it's about a block from my house, I walk or cycle past it every day, and I had never been there before, AND it's AWESOME. I can't believe such a lovely little slice of yummy food corner deli cafe great coffee adorable lovely relaxed atmosphere was right around the corner from my house and I hadn't taken advantage of it until now! I have learned the error of my ways. Oh my God and the feta and courgette quiche and the Morrocan lamb wrap and the cappuccino the cappuccino!!! Guess I know where I'm going for lunch again tomorrow...
Saturday night brought a CRAZY (but ultimately satisfying) night at work, with Vietnamese food afterwards with Carrie and a long journey home. And again, I think it took me longer to actually go to bed than it should've, despite being bone tired. What is up with that?
Sunday was another quiet day - some laundry, a touch of room cleaning, a shower, a lot of dish-washing, and a lovely afternoon at the Dove Freehouse and Pub with a bunch of girls from school whom I very serendipitously stumbled upon. We ate Sunday roasts, and drank beer, and chatted, and laughed, and meandered down Broadway Market for coffee. I stopped into this shop (link forthcoming - I can't remember what the place is called) - again, a spot I've passed by literally hundreds of times in the past year, but had never been into. It's brilliant. It's a shop consisting entirely of photograph prints from locations in Hackney and East London - the Hackney Empire, London Fields, Broadway Market... images of most all of my favorite spots adorned the walls, and all of a sudden I got homesick for London, even though I haven't left. Because those spots are what I'll miss, and the discovery of little shops that celebrate them.
Didn't buy anything, but most likely will before I leave.
I can't remember what I did on Sunday night. Probably spoke with people on Skype, maybe watched a film or Sopranos with Agnese. And probably stayed up past my bedtime. Again. (Actually, I do remember - Agne made soup, I skyped with Matty, and we watched an episode of the Sopranos.)
Monday was Tucker's birthday (as well as Will's!), so after a surprisingly speedy and pleasant day at work, I spent some time on the phone at home catching up with the fam. Most of you will have probably heard at this point that MY DAD HAS ENROLLED IN LISPA AND IS STARTING SCHOOL HERE IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!, so I've been talking with him and Mom a lot lately about logistics and the exciting developments to come (Dad coming to LISPA could warrant an entire entry in and of itself, but suffice it to say for the moment that I'm incredibly excited for him, enormously proud of him, and think it will be an amazing amazing experience for him. Yay Dad! And yay Mom for being such an incredibly supportive and courageous partner. Geez, my parents are great!) Tucker is also looking at big changes - after graduating from Beloit this past spring, he's now looking to move out to NYC in a few weeks, which is *also* very exciting. My family, the adventurers. This is where I get it from.
And Tuesday! Tuesday saw my reintegration into the wide world of acrobatics. The Circus Space has recently revamped their classes so there are now TWO beginners levels, and having been gone for awhile I took the B1 class on Tuesday. I went in a little cocky, and by the end was thinking to myself: you know, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing to stay at this level. I mean, I could do pretty much everything the instructor asked (forward, back, and side rolls, cartwheels, handstand-forward-rolls, etc - though the dive rolls were a little sticky), but my form is far from perfect, and some back-to-basics foundational stuff couldn't hurt. But then when he pulled me aside at the end of class and told me to move up to B2 - I was so excited! I'd been promoted! Rah rah rah! I was so excited, in fact, that I shimmied my little self up to the registration desk and signed up for a B2 class two days later, on Thursday. Might as well, right? I didn't have anything else planned...
Fast forward to Thursday morning, and I could barely move. Wednesday had been bad, but Thursday was unquestionably worse. I kept taking breaks from my computer to go into a side office and stretch and do the few yoga poses I know. My customary strut had morphed into a hobble. I was in poor shape, and questioning my decision to sign up for an even more difficult class so soon after the first one. My fears were only compounded by the fact that when I walked into the class that evening, most of the other participants were either tall, Adonis-looking, well- muscled men, or girls about the size of my thigh and at least as strong (that's a compliment, by the way. I have strong thighs.) Sure enough, within the first half hour we were being asked to do all manner of tumbling I'd never even attempted before (or if I'd attempted them, I'd never actually been able to DO them) : straight-leg backward rolls; tuck-up to handstand to forward roll; one-handed cartwheels on both sides with alternating hands; backward rolls into handstands. Of *all* of those, I think I managed to do two. *sigh* Oh well. That's what practice is for.
This morning I'm feeling a little sore, but I'm sure it won't be able to hold a candle to the crippling pain I'll feel tomorrow. And yes, I'm still considering going to a class. Just handstands this time, though - I want to nail that tuck-up.
I can't tell you how good the pain feels, though. To move again feels amaaaaaaazing. As sore as I felt yesterday, it all disappeared as soon as we started warming up (and re-appeared later. But at least I was warm and sweaty and chock-full of endorphins by then). And I always sleep soooo well the following night. I mean, I usually sleep well, but this sleeping well smells like vanilla and lavender and feels like all the goosedown comforters in the world, only more ethical.
Tonight, I'm cancelling all potential plans to run some errands (faxing my absentee registration! Gobama!) and have a quiet night at home. I leave for Portugal in under two weeks, and so I should start packing now, as well as getting assorted other ducks in a row. (Which is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Leaving London in under two weeks?! Ack with the packing and the cleaning and the pseudo-farewells and the surreality of it all! And how strange-yet-fitting that just as the newest manifestation of my life here begins to feel normal, I'm off on another adventure. There's more to write about that, but I'll leave it for the moment.)
Speaking of Portugal, it looks as though I won't have much, if any, internet access while I'm there, so apologies in advance for the anticipated lack of blogging. I'll be gone from 24th Sept until 10th Nov, and my postal address in Portugal will be on my facebook page, or email me if you'd like it sent to you that way. I want postcards and little birthday parcels of love! And that's the last I'll say about it.
Another highlight of the week was seeing The Family, which was a wonderful clown show, and spending some time with Aram and Ana Mirtha. I have such great friends.
Well, I think that should do it for the moment. There's even more I could write about (shocking, I know), but I should give my poor little fingers a rest. But if I have the chance after lunch (no promises here) maybe I'll be able to squeeze in that Amsterussels entry after all...
Thursday, 4 September 2008
How does he DO that?!
I love Rob Brezny and Freewill Astrology. Somehow, he always knows exactly what to say. Last week, for example, I was suffering from some anxiety about the decision to work on this project in Portugal, and my horoscope said "the shitstorm you're expecting isn't going to be that bad." Yesterday, I write that I'm annoyed and antsy and today I get this:
LIBRA
Horoscope for the week of September 4, 2008
My friend Joan was experiencing a cascade of annoying physical symptoms -- mediocre digestion, mild headaches, chronic congestion in her ear, itchy skin. None was terrible, but together they were a big distraction. After two trips to her regular acupuncturist, there was little improvement. The acupuncturist decided it was time for more drastic measures: He was going to try a dramatic treatment that was akin to pushing a reset button on a machine. Success! Joan was freed from the nagging ailments and experienced a thorough rejuvenation. I suggest you seek out the equivalent treatment, Libra: Push the reset button.
LIBRA
Horoscope for the week of September 4, 2008
My friend Joan was experiencing a cascade of annoying physical symptoms -- mediocre digestion, mild headaches, chronic congestion in her ear, itchy skin. None was terrible, but together they were a big distraction. After two trips to her regular acupuncturist, there was little improvement. The acupuncturist decided it was time for more drastic measures: He was going to try a dramatic treatment that was akin to pushing a reset button on a machine. Success! Joan was freed from the nagging ailments and experienced a thorough rejuvenation. I suggest you seek out the equivalent treatment, Libra: Push the reset button.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Action needed
I'm feeling restless. Annoyed. Frustrated.
And I have no idea why.
Baerbel's leaving for Berlin, more or less indefinitely, this afternoon. Maybe that has something to do with it. She's the last of the dear friends to leave London, in a way, and the house will feel lonelier without her. Last night we snuggled up in her bed and watched Batman Begins, and this morning there was time for one last cuddle before I left for work. When I get home tonight, she'll be gone.
I think maybe this petulant discontent could be remedied somewhat by starting to exercise more. I'm calling The Circus Space today to book some classes, and I'm going to make an effort to start cycling more - I've been more lax about it recently than usual.
The weather today is perfect autumn weather, but that's pissing me off a bit as well. I don't want it to be autumn - we barely had a summer!
Maybe it's the time of transition that's getting me down. So much feels in flux at the moment - I get the sense that these last few weeks in London will be both too busy and too slow. There are so many things that I want to do, versus the things that I need to do, and I'm feeling pulled in many directions, which is a bad place for this helper to be.
Ah well. All I can do is be kinder with myself and wait for this to pass. In the meantime, this is worth reading.
And I have no idea why.
Baerbel's leaving for Berlin, more or less indefinitely, this afternoon. Maybe that has something to do with it. She's the last of the dear friends to leave London, in a way, and the house will feel lonelier without her. Last night we snuggled up in her bed and watched Batman Begins, and this morning there was time for one last cuddle before I left for work. When I get home tonight, she'll be gone.
I think maybe this petulant discontent could be remedied somewhat by starting to exercise more. I'm calling The Circus Space today to book some classes, and I'm going to make an effort to start cycling more - I've been more lax about it recently than usual.
The weather today is perfect autumn weather, but that's pissing me off a bit as well. I don't want it to be autumn - we barely had a summer!
Maybe it's the time of transition that's getting me down. So much feels in flux at the moment - I get the sense that these last few weeks in London will be both too busy and too slow. There are so many things that I want to do, versus the things that I need to do, and I'm feeling pulled in many directions, which is a bad place for this helper to be.
Ah well. All I can do is be kinder with myself and wait for this to pass. In the meantime, this is worth reading.
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Uncle Sam Goddamn
I am disgusted, and I am angry. I am really fucking angry. How dare they? How is this happening, in real time, in real life, in my fucking country? In my city.
Someone, please, tell me what I can do.
Someone, please, tell me what I can do.
*click*
I am exaggerating very little when I say that I have taken no pictures in the entire two years I've been in London. Terrible, I know. Absurd. Totally and completely ridiculous, and I already regret it. But I've always been bad at taking pictures, so it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise.
And in those rare moments that I *do* wish I had my camera, those innocuous little slices of life like glancing up from your computer screen to see your coworkers of two years in quiet conversation, eyes on their respective screens but heads tilted slightly together, the only thing for it is to look, take it in, and think:
*click*
And in those rare moments that I *do* wish I had my camera, those innocuous little slices of life like glancing up from your computer screen to see your coworkers of two years in quiet conversation, eyes on their respective screens but heads tilted slightly together, the only thing for it is to look, take it in, and think:
*click*
Monday, 1 September 2008
The Elderfield
Having beers tonight at our local, I looked around at those assembled - Baerbel, Natali, Pablo, Nao - and had the thought:
"There's no place else I'd rather be."
"There's no place else I'd rather be."
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