You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

-Mary Oliver

Wednesday 3 September 2008

Action needed

I'm feeling restless. Annoyed. Frustrated.

And I have no idea why.

Baerbel's leaving for Berlin, more or less indefinitely, this afternoon. Maybe that has something to do with it. She's the last of the dear friends to leave London, in a way, and the house will feel lonelier without her. Last night we snuggled up in her bed and watched Batman Begins, and this morning there was time for one last cuddle before I left for work. When I get home tonight, she'll be gone.

I think maybe this petulant discontent could be remedied somewhat by starting to exercise more. I'm calling The Circus Space today to book some classes, and I'm going to make an effort to start cycling more - I've been more lax about it recently than usual.

The weather today is perfect autumn weather, but that's pissing me off a bit as well. I don't want it to be autumn - we barely had a summer!

Maybe it's the time of transition that's getting me down. So much feels in flux at the moment - I get the sense that these last few weeks in London will be both too busy and too slow. There are so many things that I want to do, versus the things that I need to do, and I'm feeling pulled in many directions, which is a bad place for this helper to be.

Ah well. All I can do is be kinder with myself and wait for this to pass. In the meantime, this is worth reading.

1 comment:

Gemma said...

Ooh, I'm The Loyalist.

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/typeSix.asp

I guess that is pretty accurate. Wants security. Fights for her friends and family and her beliefs more fiercely than for herself.

Interesting...