Peacework and Performance

There's no excuse, really, for my prolonged cyber silence of late. There's been plenty going on, and therefore plenty to write about, yet somehow a week has slipped by and I don't know where to begin. We'll start with last weekend.

Last weekend was my Introduction to Working in Conflict course, and it was nothing short of inspiring. I've been interested in peacework since I read some UN volunteers' joint memoir in late summer of 2004, and in international development work for much longer, but it had always seemed like an unattainable goal, intimidating in its sprawl and importance. No longer! Not only do I feel that I have a much better idea of what peacework is and all the different fields and projects it can encompass, I feel that it's something I Could Do. I can do. There were lots of different areas that appealed to me, but some of the ones that have stayed in my mind were short term election observation (as a good foot-in-the-door way to start with peacework), listening projects (helping people to deal with trauma experienced through conflict by simply listening to their stories), and protective accompaniment. This last one in particular really set me on fire. One of our guest speakers was a woman with Peace Brigades International, which is a group that has a presence in Colombia, Mexico, Guatemala, Indonesia, and Nepal. In these countries, there are ordinary people who are doing incredible things for human rights; and as a result, their lives are in danger. Volunteers with PBI simply accompany these amazing individuals as they continue their human rights work, providing an international and conspicuous presence, and making them safer simply through their presence; possibly even saving their lives, however implicitly.

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine living in Indonesia, or Mexico, or Colombia for a year, observing ordinary people do extraordinary things in the interest of humanity, and simply by your presence helping them to continue that work? It gives me goosebumps. It seems like such an amazing opportunity, such important work.

I've signed up for another workshop, this one only day-long, on Civilian Protection. This will go into more detail with the work PBI does, as well as other organisations like them.

As wonderful as last weekend was, though, it has resulted in something of a split: last week I wrote about my Dream Life as an Artist, and last weekend I started to envision my Dream Life as a Peaceworker. They're not neccesarily different lives, but they're very different paths. Does that make sense? I feel that I'm beginning to understand my own potential, and that these things that I've dreamed about truly are possible... and yet. I see two divergent paths, that could meet, but first I have to try one or the other. I can see myself diving into peacework. I can see myself diving into theatre. I can see myself trying to combine the two - but not for awhile yet. What I am certain of is that I would have to/want to do considerably more work in each individual field before I combine them. It's necessary, I think. Because I still don't know what the hell I'm doing when I'm in either world (not a bad thing). And after all, I need to experience it to learn if it really is what I want, in either case.

Another really incredible thing about last weekend was that I got to spend so much time with passionate, intelligent, interesting people... that had nothing to do with theatre. It was a nice change from spending all my time with passionate, intelligent, interesting theatre types. I love the theatre types, don't get me wrong. But I felt I was able to tap into a different side of myself by virtue of being with these other people - a side that I really love, but who doesn't get to come out and play much these days. What can I call her... Good Student Isabel? That's not right... but she's the one who enjoys lectures and group projects and doing well in class and playing well with others. She has her space at LISPA, too, but in a very different way. Maybe Academic Isabel is a more appropriate name. Anyway. It was really amazing to meet people that I share a non-theatre passion with. Very inspiring, and fun. It's a bit of a double-edged sword though, I have to admit, because whenever I bring up theatre (as a tool for development or otherwise) in a non-theatre group, I feel the need to justify myself. People don't take it seriously, or even if they don't dismiss it, they don't quite get it. Similarly, as far as I can tell I'm the only one at LISPA who has a real drive towards international development work. It's a little lonely feeling like noone shares your dream in the same way. But I suppose it's to be expected - as it is, my dream is far from definitively formulated, and I figure the more I am able to articulate what I want, the more people I'll find who fit into it. Or something.

Another battle within the Theatre or Development war is this: if I'm going to be completely honest, I think the theatre I want to make doesn't take place in (enter your developing country of choice here). I want to go to (developing country of choice), and I want to make theatre with them there to the ends of education and communication and joy, but that wouldn't be my theatre: it would be theirs. That's the point. But I want my theatre as well. I want my theatre company that tours the world and does amazing work. It feels selfish, and it brings up that age-old fear that if I choose theatre over peacework then I am a selfish person. And I think this colours my desire to use theatre towards peacework ends: "See? It's worthwhile! It's not just me having fun onstage! It can heal the world!" And it gets tricky, because I think theatre can. And does.

So what's my problem?

That to me, in this moment, using theatre as a tool for peace in the development world would mean that I would be a facilitator of that theatre. And that is important, and that interests me, and I would love to do that at some point, at many points. But I am always passionate about being theatre, making theatre, getting up to my elbows and experiencing and performing theatre, not only facilitating it for others.

Maybe it's a matter of finding space for all of these things.

Maybe I have a lifetime to figure it out.

Maybe this is why I haven't blogged since the workshop - I knew I would get out of control and write an ill-structured essay on My Existential Crisis of Purpose. Yikes.

Anyway. Back to the mundane.

I was also in a cycling accident this weekend. Long story short, my foot kicked off my pedal at the most inopportune of moments, got caught in my front wheel, and I almost got hit by a car. But didn't. But it was scary, and I fucked up my knee, and I've been limping all week. It's much better now, though, and the doctor said I didn't do any permanent damage - no fluid collection in the joint, and my kneecap is where it's meant to be - just hella lot of bruising. Needless to say(?), I've been taking the tube all this week.

We've also started working with masks in Commedia, and I gotta say, it looks like a lot of fun (my injury has kept me from participating in most of the exercises this week). Lots of solo themes wherein several very extreme states are travelled through, often to hilarious effect. (well, when it's done right...) I mean, don't get me wrong... it also looks INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. But also like it would be fun. Says the girl who never volunteers. Because of her knee.

As a result of the commedia and extreme states of desire and urgency, our creation theme for the next two weeks is Lovers in a Hotel - wherein none of the lovers is there with their spouse, but their spouse manages to be there as well, with their own squeeze-on-the-side. Very farcical, slap-sticky, fun. And my group just happens to be made entirely of women, so we're having fun with our lesbian love-fest. It's kind of a blast. And by "kind of," I mean "totally."

What else? I may have won a trip for two to Italy and a digital camera. Meaning that I actually have won them - I have the winning pieces, but as they were given to me by a friend who didn't want to pay the £20 to claim the prizes (before he knew what they were), I feel like I should share. I'm going to talk to him today and let him know what [we've] won, and see if he wants one of the other. I kinda hope he doesn't want the trip to Italy, though :)

And that's it for my week. But that's enough. More than enough, for now.